Weigh-in Day #4

This morning I weighed in at 181 kg (399lb). I lost 2.6kg (5.7lb) over the last week, which was more than I expected. So that means I’ve lost 11.3kg (24.9lb) since I started back in May, and 9kg (19.8lb) in the last four weeks. Apparently it’s a Weight Watchers milestone to lose 10kg and another to lose 5% of your total weight, and today I did both. Got a little sticker and everything. It also means I’ve hit a few personal milestones–back under 400lbs (I have no problem thinking in both kilograms and pounds, but I feel pounds at an emotional level that doesn’t translate to the metric system), and in the last month, I’ve lost 10% of my 200-pound weight loss goal.

When I look at the numbers, it feels encouraging. But that feeling is gone by the time I’ve finished reading them. Mostly I think it’s because I don’t feel the weight loss. I’m sure there are subtle differences in the way it feels to weigh 192kg (425lb) compared to weighing 181kg (399lb), but they must be below my sensory threshold, because I can’t tell the difference. I still feel fat. Because I’m still very, very fat.

If I can keep motivated and on-track, it’s possible that I’ll lose another 10kg over the next 6 weeks. I’m not going to get overly-optimistic and think that I’ll do it in 4 weeks again, mostly because Xmas is exactly 4 weeks from today, and then New Year’s Day is a week later. I’m assuming that I will totally go off the rails on Xmas, with my plan for the moment being to limit the damage to two days at most. Two days of yuletide debauchery, then back on the wagon for 4 days, then a night of drunken revelry, a day to recover from the hangover, and then back at it for the new year!

That means my next big milestone goal is to weigh 171kg (377lb) or less by 8 January, 2018. Interestingly, I just checked back through my Fitbit data, and I weighed 173.7kg (383lb) on 6 Jan this year. And I weighed 171.7kg (378.5) on 7 Jan last year. And 175.5kg (387lb) on 7 Jan the year before that. So while it will be an achievement to hit that milestone, I’ve been there before. This time I’ve got to get there and then push on through to the next goal. I haven’t weighed 161kg (355lb) since April 2014. Even then, I’ll still be very, very fat. But maybe after losing over 30kg (66lb), I’ll be able to feel the difference, even just a little bit.

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