Lockdown Life

Hello, all you beautiful Internet people out there. I’m still here, and I’m sorry I haven’t been posting. I think about it every day. But to be honest, I think about doing a lot of things every day, and I don’t seem to get many of them done. I haven’t left the house in 3 weeks. Our home quarantine period ended a week ago, but I haven’t had a pressing need to go anywhere, so I haven’t. But every day I think about it.

It’s not that I’m terrified of getting COVID. I mean, I definitely do NOT want to get COVID, but I try to be realistic about the level of risk. There are about 250 active cases in the city right now. A city of 400,000 people. My chances of catching COVID are extremely remote. I get that. I’m much more likely to die in an accident here at home than I am of catching COVID. But I also take into account that, in the extremely unlikely instance that i do get COVID, it could be really bad. In part because we’ve got 3 unvaccinated kids in the house, and also because of my weight and various other health issues. But while those are all things floating around in the back of my mind all the time, I probably think more about just getting caught at an exposure site. Which might not make much of a difference to me personally, but would be hard on the family as a whole. I’m really hoping we can avoid that.

Anyway, that might give you a bit of an idea where my head is at. As for the rest of me, it just seems like I’m in limbo. One day is the same as the one before. My routine is completely screwed, and I just can’t seem to get back on track. I’m not eating well. I’m not exercising. I rotate throughout the day between bed, my desk, and the lounge. I’m not doing anything the least bit productive. I spend way too much time online, feeling so angry and sad about so many screwed up, horrible things going on in the world. I know that’s not healthy for me, but I also feel guilty any time I think about just zoning out and ignoring it all.

I know I’m just making excuses. It’s entirely possible for me to just flip the whole situation on its head, and use all this free time to build a new routine. I’m not eating well because I don’t have any sort of meal plan, and because groceries are kinda hit and miss at the moment. We’ve got plenty of food, but a lot of it is our “survival stash”, so it’s a lot of carbs. A lot of canned goods. But still, there’s no reason why I couldn’t get creative. Come up with some reasonably-healthy meals, track everything, go for walks (it’s warm and sunny lately), and really get my shit together. And yet, I don’t. And I really don’t know why.